I am hormonal, sad, scared, tired, overwhelmed, frustrated and anxious all at once.
Just when I think I can deal with some, they are all hitting me at once. Why can't I just be alone and quietly deal with what is going on? Why does God think I can handle it all? What should I be learning from this and how do I get out of it.
Where is my pillow so I can scream in it and cry it out?
I have to be there for my boys. I have to continue through the day without letting it stop me. As an Army wife you handle these things and work them out because your husband has a huge part to play and not have him worring about this end of "the lines" Just as the Army says, "If the Army wanted a family it would have issed one". At the same time as a child of God, He wants me to rely on others to work through it and not do it alone.
Just before I sit down to write this my own amazing son prays to God to give me and Dad a break from all our hard work. I did my best not to cry in front of him but to know that is on his mind breaks my heart.
As a christian my faith and hope reminds me God is on my side and has amazing plans for me. All this is just not for nothing. I know He sees the light at the end of the tunnel where I am stuck in the dark. I want to be so much at the same time nothing.
I love Him and thank Him for not letting me do it alone but I imagine myself just wanting to run and hide until it goes away. I pray the next few weeks go by so fast to get past some of this and I want it to be so slow that the other doesn't come.
2 comments:
Sweetie, God does not want you to be able to handle it all. He wants you to turn to Him. I know that situations in life can be so difficult, but God can give you the courage that you need to conquer them. Keep smiling!
I can't imagine how hard these days are for you--but I know He is big enough to give you that comfort. I pray this year goes by so fast!
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