Stuck in the Funk

I haven't blogged in a while and I am still not sure how this one will go. There have been several times I wanted to but thankfully didn't.

I have been stuck in a funk here lately and finally got Bro Mark to help with his sermon series Consumed (www.brookwoodbaptist.com). This series he spoke about how when we as Christians decide to make a change for God things go terribly wrong. When you decide to fight drugs, alcohol, pornography or any struggle in your life Satan is going to put his claws in stronger than ever before because he knows you are doing the right thing. Our human selves begin to ask, "What the heck is going on? I am doing what you asked and now it is worse than before". This is basicallt what Moses said to God when Moses went to the Pharoah and said to let the Israelites go. Pharoah not only told him no but he made it harder on the slaves and the slaves were very mad at Moses ( Exodus 5).

You stop the drugs and your body hurts; stop the porn and your mind fights you; stop going out to clubs and your friends freak out. God never told us take up your cross daily and I will make sure it is super light and I will put body guards around you so that no one causes trouble. God just promises to be with us, blesses us by giving us a way out and make us more like Him in the end.

I have been struggling now that I am home. Officially yesterday was my "final" day. Rose--who is taking my place--seems like she will do a great job and I praise God for answering that prayer because I struggled that there would be jealously of someone taking "my" position and I never even felt that from the moment I met her; God does care about the little things.

Now that I have been home more. I have no routine, I feel lazy and not accomplishing much. This bothers me tremendously for many reasons:

1. I have worked most of my life and know no other way

2. My upbringing is different than God's expectation in that you earn love and respect. What you accomplish factors in on that

3. There aren't too many people I worry about what they think but those I do worry about...I worry big time and I want them to be proud

I have been having a lot of trouble with Andrew and just like I was talking to Bennetta yesterday. I am so grateful God has allowed me to be a big part of this roll because I have Andrew's best in mind and I can't really be sure anyone else who would be watching him would. I want God to change me so that I can better Andrew--if that makes sense.

I know God has chosen me to be home with the boys because of all the mess Satan has thrown my way since I have been at home so I am trying to remember this is a Season of my life and God may not save me from it but he will defintely be there to walk me threw it and I love Him for that

This blog is more of a release so please...no pity comments. I have just been procrastinating (funny ha ha even being lazy on blogging) on writing anything.
-C-