Okay, I couldn't blog this until today because I was so frustrated and couldn't see the keys anyway from crying.
For almost 1 1/2 hours last night Andrew and I went round and round with him doing one wrong thing after another. We went from nose in the corner, timeout in the room (which we wouldn't stay), spanking with clothes on the wooden spoon with nothing on after pucnhing our brother in the back because he got mad at me.
OMG!!!
I know many have said being strong-willed is a good thing because when he is older he won't be a follower and he won't let other push him around. That sounds great but what about now?
I am very thankful that God has allowed me to be home with him because I wouldn't want anyone else trying to take are of this time in his life. It is a constant struggle to figure out what punishment will work for him.
"I am throwing this away!" Andrew says, "Let me...I don't need that anyway"
"No more TV this week." Andrew says, "Yeah, TV is bad for me."
"If I catch you throwing that at your brother again I am going to get the wooden spoon." Andrew says, "This one right here? How many licks will I get?" As he shows no concern about it at all.
If you have spent time with him you would know his heart is so big. He is SUPER smart and understand a lot of things. Neal tries to have alone time with him by taking just him to go see movies. Before he gets in trouble he will say "I am just a bad boy. I just can't make good choices." That breaks my heart because I vowed with my boys I would never talk to them like my dad did me so Neal and I both NEVER tell them they are bad or anything degrading to their character. So where does he get that from and why can he understand all except STAY IN YOUR ROOM?
I am a firm believer to stand firm and consistent but consistent with what? What works over time? What is the wrong thing to do? I don't have the answer because I don't find a response.
Do I just accept that I am going to have to punish him over and over for the same things and pray one day it might stick? All I can say at this point is he better become a doctor, lawyer or something that he can be proud of. That way I can say there was a reason for not killing him at such a young age.
The funny part of it all was that Neal and I were on day 1 of the Love Dare and what did it say for the day? P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E. Yeah, that was also meant for my marriage but I can't help but think God was preparing me for the night to come because I definitely would have gotten way more upset than I did. Andrew and I were even able to have some good discussion before the finally.
-C-
2 comments:
I am so sorry- I know that parenting is so tough- I wish there was a book that had all the answers in black and white- But I know if there was we would not lean on the Lord to help us. I will be praying for you that the Lord would reveal to you the best way to discipline. I am still praying over this one in my home as well. Celena did tell me about a book called Parenting where grace is in place. She said it was really good and I am thinking about reading it soon. I will pass it on to you if you want to read it. Keep focusing on the sweet times and praising God for them and looking to Him for guidance. You are a wonderful mom and your boys are precious!
Oh Chrissie, as a mom I sit here and weep with you. This role is stinkin hard at times. It is so complicated that I feel like I am drowning some days. How am I suppose to remain calm, teach to their hearts, etc. etc. when I barely have a chance to catch my next breath. I know each mom has a completely different child so to say that I understand just because I have children isn't fair. But to say that we should all have the same goal--to bring our children up in the ways of the Lord is more accurate.
I think Satan wants us to fall into the trap of "extinguishing behaviors" so that we don't have time to step back and really teach our children how to learn to depend on the Lord.
Parenting is so fun yet so scary. I often think--okay I only get one chance at this. But when I let fear follow that is when I am ready to hide or explode. But when I say..okay, moment by moment Lord I will walk with you and surrender this role and my child..moment by moment. Then and only then can I get through the day and still experience peace.
I really wish there was a manual that came with each child! It sure would make life much, much easier.
I have read a handful of good books--like Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Trip, Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel, Teaching Your Child to Mind without Losing Yours by Leman, and currently I am reading Families Where Grace Is In Place by Jeff Vonderen.
But I know the truth is that books are good--and they have really opened my mind to a whole new world..but the most important thing I have learned is to STOP. RElAX. Call a family meeting (first it is btw me and matei and sometimes we invite the kids..they are still young at this point)--so Matei and I can really evualate what is going on, so we can pray, pray, pray, and come up with a plan. And then execute the plan---very consistently. That is so hard at times--especially when it doesn't seem to be working. And always being ready to start over fresh if needed. And pray some more!
Surrendering each moment is key for me not to lose my patience.
Andrew sounds like a super kid--and you are a great mom. Your love for him leaps out through your words.
I'll tell you one thing that worked with our little boy and that was "SIMPLICITY" -- we narrowed it down to 3 things we were targeting with him and came up with a consequence for each. We posted it, went over with him the rules/consq/expectations -- and then followed through. I can't tell you what a difference it made in him and us! For some reason, it really helped us focus and zoom in on the most imp. things.
You are doing great about not telling him his bad, etc. I think this is sooo wise! A good friend of mine challenged me to take it a step further and speak the truth into them each time. For ex. "You are a very sweet, loving boy. You are a great big brother to Scott. I can't wait to see you make a better choice next time--showing him love not hitting him." I thought it was a little crazy at first...but it seriously turned my daughter's self-esteem around!
Hang in there!
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