Have you found your heart?

This morning I woke up thinking about this guy...

and this guy...

                                                                  and these babies...

No, it wasn't while I was drinking my morning coffee because you know I don't drink it. These are members of Mbilima Village, high (very high) up on Ruli Mountain.  They have and will produce for you your best tasting coffee from The Well inside Brookwood Baptist Church. 

I was thinking about them and all the hard work they have done before I met them, while I was there, and since I have been gone. A part of me worried a lot about the children and how their days had been.  Now that I have been and seen (Psalm 46:8-9) I don't worry as much.  Why? Was my perspective wrong? Did your lives change? Sort of.  You see now I know that because of Land of a Thousand Hills and Do Good Initiative are around things have changed and things are getting better. I could go on and on about this part but it will be another day or you can go to www.DoGoodInitiative.org to read for yourself.

There are many times we have the rare opportunity to see first-hand poverty that would make the meanest grinch stop and think about how blessed they are to not be in that position. There are many of us who see or hear it from someone else, feel bad and move on. There are also some of us who say, "Why worry about a place far away? Why not worry about our own at home"?

I can assure you...if you have a relationship with Christ, and truly seek to follow His Word, He will send your heart where He needs it most.  I believe He has put some hearts at a local shelter for abused and battered women and children.  I know..I have been there.  You can find hearts in someone's home who fosters children to give them a safe place to feel and be loved. Some hearts are placed in a prison where those around us need to be told they can be forgiven and are worth everything to our Father. I know hearts travel to help those effected by hurricanes, earthquakes, and other disasters. I can also assure you God shipped my heart to Rwanda.  

How do I know? Because I am crying right now as I type because I am so thankful for following God's will for something in my life and it feels GREAT! I'm crying because I can't imagine the pain if I hadn't gone because others questioned why I would even want to go.  I cry because I remember their faces as they laughed and cried with me. I cry because I think of how many Americans think we have it so much better.  We may have the money, but everything else we almost have backwards

When you say you want to have a relationship with Jesus or grow with Him, then do everything possible to make it happen. Don't worry about other friends or family members.  If you follow Him and do as He guides you, you will be able to go find your heart and start living.  I promise you, until you go where God has placed your heart, you will just exist.

Boy did God send this blog just for me to read.


For the past 2-3 days, the boys have been at each other's throats and driving me crazy too.  I have been trying to remind myself it is summer so there isn't as much to do or that it is 100° outside and too hot to play outside. Either way, we needed a break!


Well, we got it tonight as we were on the river front watching the awesome fireworks show.  I had more fun watching Scott's reaction than the actual show.  I sometimes forget to see things through a child's eye and I wish I did it more.


On that note..I came home and this was the blog I came across.  Hope you enjoy!

Here are 10 Things I had to remind myself today when the job of correcting my children felt especially difficult…

1. You disobey the Lord…and He is the perfect Father.

2. His kindness leads us to repentance.

3. God disciplines those He loves.

4. Your child’s disobedience does not measure your value any more than his obedience showcases your achievement.

5. Your child’s disobedience teaches you dependence on God.

6. And sometimes it’s more than dependence He’s after, it’s complete desperation for Him.

7. Your child is clearly a sinner, and needs to hear the truth of the Gospel, and see it lived out through you.

8. Times of correction serve to remind, or establish within your child, his own sense of need for a Savior.

9. It’s not good behavior you really desire…you want his heart.

10. Your child is a person, not a project.

http://www.gracelaced.com/2009/11/24/10-things-to-remember-when-your-child-is-disobedient/

I am usually pretty bad about being in the middle of a really good book and thinking, "Gosh, I should blog about some of this". Tonight is no different but I didn't want it to stop me and I don't intend on reading from the beginning anytime soon.

I have been reading Boundaries in Marriage by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. There are other great books that are about boundaries written by these same authors so you might want to check out others.

Tonight I read about controlling your spouse.  And I don't mean the common things you think about like deciding where they go or who they talk to.  This is in ways you may be controlling him/her right now and not know it.

• Guilt-"If you really loved me" or "How could you be so selfish?"
• Anger-"Anger is our basic protest against the fact that we are not God and that we cannot control reality".
• Persistent Assaults on Your Spouse's Boundaries-The spouse will say a clear "No" and you will try and try to convince them or change their mind
• Withholding Love-"Of all the ways we attempt to control, withholding love may be the most powerful".

Gotta have the positive with the negative so what can I do to change me? Remember, setting up boundaries is a way to change you; not your spouse."The spouse who truly loves his mate and wants her to grow will, at some point, desire to give up these attempts to control".

Realize the Cost of Other-Control: "The cost of other-control is that you may get external compliance, but lose your spouse's heart". PLEASE READ THAT AGAIN!

1. Ask Your Spouse to Let You Know How Your Control Affects Him: "Often, when the controlled spouse lets the controlling spouse know how hurtful  and distant the attempts make him, the controlling spouse feels compassion for the pain and is able to better set limits on the control".
2. Experience Your Own Helplessness to Change Your Spouse: What? You must come to realize that you really can't make your spouse do anything.  Even if it is making the right choice.  Once you realize how helpless you are you may then experience hurt, but then reality can set in and you can go from there.
3. Learn to Grieve: "When you allow your spouse freedom, you will often feel loss and sadness about losing what you desired from him...This will help you find new ways to adapt to your marriage".

1. Work Through Dependency Issues: Depending just on your spouse may cause you to want to control them. You should not be looking to him/her for approval or acceptance. Find friends, family, or church members to help feel some healthy needs.
2. Be a Separate Person With Your Spouse: Sometime you can find yourself defining yourself  through your spouse.  This can be bad in many ways but for control, if the spouse disagrees with you you can take it as he hates you and you will lash back.  Learn to make safe boundaries.
3. Value Your Spouse's Freedom as You Want Your Freedom Valued: Matthew 7:12  

If anyone of these hit home or you have asked your spouse to share with you an area that needs works, pray together asking God to help you grow.  He wants the best for your marriage and will not leave you where you are.  If you ask for wisdom, it will be given James 1:5. Don't be defensive when you ask your spouse to bring up when you are falling back.  If you have a spouse struggling in this area...love them through it.  Pray that God will lay it on their heart to see the control.  You cannot change them but you can change how you react. 

Where was I?

September 11th
Most of us know where we were and what we were doing so I'm boring you with my story.
I was full-time National Guard working at the ammo. plant in Minden. I remember my dad calling. He was laughing and telling me to pack my bags because I was "going to war". Now, if you know my dad you know this wasn't something super strange coming from him. Of course, I asked what he was talking about.
"Girl, a plane just hit one of the twin towers and I'm telling you it ain't no accident. You better go pack your £€*^".
First I asked what were the twin towers and then for him to repeat his goofy story. He told told me to find a TV.
I told the guys we needed to go to the maintenance building and see what craziness my dad was talking about. We turned on the TV and less than a minute after watching the news, the second plane hit. I was so confused. I still had no idea of the seriousness of what happened and what was to come.
Neal was away at a school in Virginia and within two hours, most of the guys in his class were called to return back to their units and put on full alert.
We were ordered to walk our building every hour and report any "unknown items" immediately. The plant was on lock-down. No one in. No one out.
I couldn't get in contact with Neal because cell service was basically not an option.
I had to be at my office and had no TV but I listened to the radio.
That was when for the second time in my life I have hated the media more than even possible. First time was Desert Storm and all the secret info they gave out. This time I heard CNN telling EVERYONE that the president was in the air for security and had landed on Barksdale.
I immediately started crying because I was scared that who ever was doing this awful stuff with the towers and the Pentagon would come after him. Not to mention any other place military.
The next few days were a blur of tears and anxiety as I watched over and over the videos of the planes, the people on the streets, people jumping from the burning buildings, the walls and walls of pictures where people were looking for loved ones and the police and fireman who once in a while scream for everyone to hush and it was pure silence as they listened for a faint voice of someone who may be alive.
I can honestly say this day will never leave my memory. Some details may fade but the pain, chaos and fear will always be there.


-John 14:6

Another school year begins

Andrew started his school year before Scott. I really couldn't get out of him if he was excited. First grade is a change for him. No naps, less recess and HOMEWORK!!

He is off to such a great start. Last year was hard for both of us with dad being gone and him being diagnosed with ADD.

I am confident in him 100%. He is such a smart and sweet guy. He is the best big brother and has way more patience than most people I know.

Toda,y my baby started three-year-old preschool. I really didn't think it would be a big deal to him because he is in the nursery on Wed, Sat and for two services on Sunday. I was really wrong. I asked if he was ready to go to school and I couldn't even catch him as he ran to the car. I am certain his day was great and he will have a great school year.

Next best part is Momma will get a little break! Thank you Father for two wonderful boys and a wonderful family!

Who could ever understand?

I was fortunate enough to have my awesome sitter take my boys for a sleepover last night.
Neal and I laughed when we came home from dinner and whispered as soon as we entered the door because we didn't want to wake the boys up. Of course, they weren't even home.

This morning during my quiet time (which is almost always interrupted by the boys), I couldn't concentrate because I knew the boys would pop in at any moment. Next I laughed because again, they weren't here.

My heart immediately thought of Will Mathews mother. I have never met this family. Never been to Calvary and yet God placed them on my heart. I cried as I thought how I was trained already that my boys will always be around but her Will won't. Has she woken the past few morning--after 14 years of having Will around--and automatically think she was going to talk to him again? Did he pop in on her in the morning? Did she go to his room to wake him up or check in on him? Did she add that extra plate for breakfast?

Who could understand her pain? Not me. I've only had my boys for a few years and know I could never understand her pain. Six months from now, would I be thinking about Will as much? Probably not. How often have I thought about Justin Bloxom and his family?

Then I couldn't read anymore so I decided to turn on my iPod and worship. Mandisa came on Broken Halleujah and Mercy Me Finally Home. Amen!

Who can understand that sweet lady and the rest of Will's family? My Father. The one who lost his perfect son. He watched as he was beaten and abused by MY sins and chose to anyway. He willingly gave me Jesus knowing there wasn't a piece of me that deserved it. Could I ever give my son up knowing that I would be doing it to save others and watch as they laugh at my son, murder him and continue to deny his existence? No

I am almost certain I will never meet Will's mom or this will ever come across her eyes but if God allows our paths to cross I may never have the words to say or understand her agony but God does. He has a first-hand testimony

Just As You Are

"God designed you perfectly. You are God's delight, God's handiwork, and you are wonderfully unique. Despite pressures from outside forces that make you feel as if you need to change to measure up, God loves you just as you are and more than you could know."

Being Yourself. Women of Faith study
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