What is it all about

Where was I?

2010-09-11T07:13:00.001-05:00

September 11th
Most of us know where we were and what we were doing so I'm boring you with my story.
I was full-time National Guard working at the ammo. plant in Minden. I remember my dad calling. He was laughing and telling me to pack my bags because I was "going to war". Now, if you know my dad you know this wasn't something super strange coming from him. Of course, I asked what he was talking about.
"Girl, a plane just hit one of the twin towers and I'm telling you it ain't no accident. You better go pack your £€*^".
First I asked what were the twin towers and then for him to repeat his goofy story. He told told me to find a TV.
I told the guys we needed to go to the maintenance building and see what craziness my dad was talking about. We turned on the TV and less than a minute after watching the news, the second plane hit. I was so confused. I still had no idea of the seriousness of what happened and what was to come.
Neal was away at a school in Virginia and within two hours, most of the guys in his class were called to return back to their units and put on full alert.
We were ordered to walk our building every hour and report any "unknown items" immediately. The plant was on lock-down. No one in. No one out.
I couldn't get in contact with Neal because cell service was basically not an option.
I had to be at my office and had no TV but I listened to the radio.
That was when for the second time in my life I have hated the media more than even possible. First time was Desert Storm and all the secret info they gave out. This time I heard CNN telling EVERYONE that the president was in the air for security and had landed on Barksdale.
I immediately started crying because I was scared that who ever was doing this awful stuff with the towers and the Pentagon would come after him. Not to mention any other place military.
The next few days were a blur of tears and anxiety as I watched over and over the videos of the planes, the people on the streets, people jumping from the burning buildings, the walls and walls of pictures where people were looking for loved ones and the police and fireman who once in a while scream for everyone to hush and it was pure silence as they listened for a faint voice of someone who may be alive.
I can honestly say this day will never leave my memory. Some details may fade but the pain, chaos and fear will always be there.

-John 14:6

Another school year begins

2010-09-01T15:18:00.006-05:00

Andrew started his school year before Scott. I really couldn't get out of him if he was excited. First grade is a change for him. No naps, less recess and HOMEWORK!!

He is off to such a great start. Last year was hard for both of us with dad being gone and him being diagnosed with ADD.

I am confident in him 100%. He is such a smart and sweet guy. He is the best big brother and has way more patience than most people I know.

Toda,y my baby started three-year-old preschool. I really didn't think it would be a big deal to him because he is in the nursery on Wed, Sat and for two services on Sunday. I was really wrong. I asked if he was ready to go to school and I couldn't even catch him as he ran to the car. I am certain his day was great and he will have a great school year.

Next best part is Momma will get a little break! Thank you Father for two wonderful boys and a wonderful family!

Who could ever understand?

2010-08-21T09:50:00.004-05:00

I was fortunate enough to have my awesome sitter take my boys for a sleepover last night.
Neal and I laughed when we came home from dinner and whispered as soon as we entered the door because we didn't want to wake the boys up. Of course, they weren't even home.

This morning during my quiet time (which is almost always interrupted by the boys), I couldn't concentrate because I knew the boys would pop in at any moment. Next I laughed because again, they weren't here.

My heart immediately thought of Will Mathews mother. I have never met this family. Never been to Calvary and yet God placed them on my heart. I cried as I thought how I was trained already that my boys will always be around but her Will won't. Has she woken the past few morning--after 14 years of having Will around--and automatically think she was going to talk to him again? Did he pop in on her in the morning? Did she go to his room to wake him up or check in on him? Did she add that extra plate for breakfast?

Who could understand her pain? Not me. I've only had my boys for a few years and know I could never understand her pain. Six months from now, would I be thinking about Will as much? Probably not. How often have I thought about Justin Bloxom and his family?

Then I couldn't read anymore so I decided to turn on my iPod and worship. Mandisa came on Broken Halleujah and Mercy Me Finally Home. Amen!

Who can understand that sweet lady and the rest of Will's family? My Father. The one who lost his perfect son. He watched as he was beaten and abused by MY sins and chose to anyway. He willingly gave me Jesus knowing there wasn't a piece of me that deserved it. Could I ever give my son up knowing that I would be doing it to save others and watch as they laugh at my son, murder him and continue to deny his existence? No

I am almost certain I will never meet Will's mom or this will ever come across her eyes but if God allows our paths to cross I may never have the words to say or understand her agony but God does. He has a first-hand testimony

Just As You Are

2009-07-16T22:08:00.000-05:00

"God designed you perfectly. You are God's delight, God's handiwork, and you are wonderfully unique. Despite pressures from outside forces that make you feel as if you need to change to measure up, God loves you just as you are and more than you could know."

Being Yourself. Women of Faith study
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Zephaniah 3:17

2009-07-12T07:27:00.000-05:00

"For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will delight in you with gladness. With His love, he will calm all of your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful song."
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Daddy...our hero

2009-07-06T21:09:00.004-05:00

I am a small and precious child; my dad's been sent to fight. The only place i'll see his face is in my dreams at night.

He will be gone too many days for my young mind to keep track. I may be sad, but I am proud. My daddy's got your back.

I am a strong and loving wife, with a husband soon to go. These are times i'm terrified in a way most will never know.

I bite my lip and force a smile, as I watch him pack. My heart may break, but I am proud. My husband's got your back.

I am a caring mother, my son has gone to war. My mind is filled with worries that I have never known before. Every day I try to keep my thoughts from turning black.

I may be scared, but I am proud. My son has got your back.

I am a soldier serving proudly, standing tall. I fight for freedom, yours and mine, by answering this call. I do my job while knowing, the thanks it sometimes lacks.

Please say a prayer that i'll come home. It's me that's got your back.

I love you Neal Raybon Purcell. Remember, Andrew will be looking at the same moon as you and we will be praying for you every day.

When I think of how proud I am to share with our boys what their daddy is doing and how lucky they are to have you...my heart melts.

Keep your heart close to God and give Him all of yourself. He will guide your way and He promises that if we ask for wisdom He WILL provide. Seek Him in all you do and He will keep your paths stright.

When will I learn??!!

2009-06-14T20:28:00.004-05:00

Today turned out great. Most Sundays I take the boys to Meme's to let them run around, acting crazy and get stuffed with Pop tarts and chocolate milk. Today was no different.

She called this morning and told me I looked way to stressed yesterday and to give her the boys and do something alone. Sounded good but what in the world do I do alone? I polled some of my mentors at church and they all had great ideas. It was obvious they were remembering back to the days when their kids were young and what they missed most.

My problem is I really don't like to be alone. I know...I know. That sounds strange coming from me and you do know me. It is very true though. I feel akward and out of place.

I decided on dinner and a movie. I went to Joe's and they sat me in the bar because I was alone. Nothing to look at but some baseball game. The good part was the breaks the servers took in between to dance. Also, because the server had to only wait on my order because I was Purcell Party of One, the food came out super fast and I was done in no time.

Okay, now what? I decided to go to a movie.

If I haven't said this before I was AWFUL at quessing in school when I had a 50/50 shot at a test question. I almost always chose the wrong answer.

I was going to see Night at the Museum but went to see Land of the Lost. I used to love that show back in the day and thought it would be great. Man! I was so wrong. I don't really understand why ugly words and sexual content has to be used for someone to think a movie wouldn't be good without it. I left it early and was going to walk around the Boardwalk but the sun was so bad, it forced me in to my favorite stores!

I was then able to go to Wal-mart without two little ones fighting, crying, having to go to the bathroom or wanting everything at eye level.

My favorite part of the whole afternoon was my vanilla cone from Sonic on the drive back to Meme's. My boys had a great time swimming and were napping when I came back.

She was right. I didn't realize how stressed out I was and I was able to enjoy my energetic little boys who were just as excited to see mom.

UPDATE--I have a new best part about today. As I was typing this, Neal called in and got Skype fixed. We were able to see daddy and the boys were SO impressed and talking to daddy while looking at him (and themselves) on video.

God cares about the little things. Me being stressed, my boys getting Meme time, Neal getting to see the boys. How can a Father who can calm the seas with words love me so much to calm my heart? All I know is...is that He does and I am thankful!

VBS is coming

2009-06-07T21:27:00.002-05:00

Today was our first big meeting for VBS this year. Paul and the Underground Church. Paul will be under house arrest. The kids will see the soldier with him convert by the end of the week. They will hide in caves to worship God secretly as they learn not everyone--back then and today--have the freedom to worship God. They will go to shops where they will learn crafts and spend time with those characters who may or may not know Jesus.

I think back when VBS was the SAME thing and done the same way. I love how God wants us to reach those who don't know Him in such awesome ways but His Word never changes.

I can't wait to see how this unfolds over the next few weeks!

Sorry...it's been a while!

2009-06-06T20:50:00.011-05:00

Since it has been so long since I have blogged, I won't catch you up on everything. I will start with today.

I went to my second kickboxing class in about 1 1/2 years and had forgotten how much I loved and missed it. I will regreat it in about 5-6 hours.

I ran home to get cleaned up so that me and the boys could go see Bob and Larry from Veggie Tales.

We waited in the wrong line for about 20 minutes and Scott wasn't pleased.

Andrew didn't mind either way...

We finally got to meet Bob and Larry. Scott hugged and hugged and tried to take Bob home. I finally convinced him they had to stay and work and that others needed a turn.

They even had the fire trucks and ambulance outside.

Next, off the Cypress Lake to meet my sister who wasn't able to come but we stayed anyway. The boys had a blast and we rushed back in time to clean up and head to church.

Service was great. Bro Mark was preaching on Eternity. He said "Christians, here on Earth is the closest you will ever come to Hell. As a unbeliever, Earth is the closest you will ever get to Heaven".

"250,000.00 die a day. Do you know where you are going?" Then isnt the time to find out!!

Where is my pillow?

2009-05-05T20:29:00.003-05:00

I am hormonal, sad, scared, tired, overwhelmed, frustrated and anxious all at once.

Just when I think I can deal with some, they are all hitting me at once. Why can't I just be alone and quietly deal with what is going on? Why does God think I can handle it all? What should I be learning from this and how do I get out of it.

Where is my pillow so I can scream in it and cry it out?

I have to be there for my boys. I have to continue through the day without letting it stop me. As an Army wife you handle these things and work them out because your husband has a huge part to play and not have him worring about this end of "the lines" Just as the Army says, "If the Army wanted a family it would have issed one". At the same time as a child of God, He wants me to rely on others to work through it and not do it alone.

Just before I sit down to write this my own amazing son prays to God to give me and Dad a break from all our hard work. I did my best not to cry in front of him but to know that is on his mind breaks my heart.

As a christian my faith and hope reminds me God is on my side and has amazing plans for me. All this is just not for nothing. I know He sees the light at the end of the tunnel where I am stuck in the dark. I want to be so much at the same time nothing.

I love Him and thank Him for not letting me do it alone but I imagine myself just wanting to run and hide until it goes away. I pray the next few weeks go by so fast to get past some of this and I want it to be so slow that the other doesn't come.

Trip to the Zoo

2009-04-25T21:37:00.006-05:00

If some of these ever bore you, I am sorry but I am getting in the habit of doing this so that when Neal leaves he can keep up with us on things I forget to say.

That being said, we went to the Caldwell zoo today and it was Savannah's first time. Let me just say she did not want to go. She fussed here and there but maybe it will be better next time.

The boys had a blast and if I would have kept the pace they wanted we would have finished in 45 minutes.

It rained when we first got there and then stayed cloudy most of the time with the sun peeking out as we were leaving.

I love their faces when they see something amazing that they haven't seen before. They get to truly see the amazing sizes of the elephants, giraffes, rhino, etc. instead of on TV.

I get a refresher of all the amazing ways God's work is on display. Not only is He amazing but He gives us such beautiful animals to enjoy. Look at all the colors. Did God have to give us bright blues and red? Absolutely not. He chose to show his amazing power and love in something as simple as a tiny hummingbird egg.

Take time to enjoy all God has given you. If for no other reason than as a reminder of His love for you. Love that wants you to be happy and enjoy time with your family and love that sends His one and only Son to die for you because Jesus "would rather die than to ever live without you..."

Right after that we walk up on a white tiger who was staring us all down with extreme power and grace.

How did that happen?

2009-04-24T20:22:00.002-05:00

Okay, today was really cool and sad at the same time. Scott tee teed in the potty, climbed up the ladder for the slide and got in to the tub on his own. He did this all in one day.

How did he grow up in one day? Where was I looking when he figured it all out. I am excited and sad at the same time.

2009-04-23T21:28:00.001-05:00

This is a test to see if I can start blogging from my phone.

What a day

2009-04-20T20:54:00.003-05:00

For the first time in a long time I spent almost the entire day outside. Shelly, I am a lot like you in that I love outside weather but today probably wasn"t for enjoyment.

I bought a simple 10 foot swimming pool for me and the boys. It started okay except I had already got up early, took Andrew to school, worked out at the gym (legs today) and was playing with Scott and Savannah.

I wanted to do it real quick because I had someone coming to fix the garage door because Neal's gone for 25 days and I can't do it. I couldn't do one part of the pool and decided to put some water in it and stretch it out.

Surprise! It is already time to get Andrew. By the way, I haven't even been able to shower from working out over 2 1/2 hours ago!!! Get Andrew. Take all three to get some food. Garage door guy is waiting on me. Feed kids, deal with garage guy, put them down for a nap, check on him and decide to fight the pool again. Ha ha!! I never turned the water off. The pool is slumped over with water soaking my yard. Turn water off, go inside and eat. Check on garage guy--who is clueless--, switch laundry, decide that I am so mad at the pool I will just pick weeds from the front because I am NOT letting this guy out of my sight. Ha ha again. Holly bush leaves have fallen into the weeds and my hands are bleeding.

Mad because the pool is beating me, I go back to the pool. Kids are awake and want a snack. Garage guy is done and wants an awful amount of money. Change diapers, get kids dressed and talk kids into letting me take a quick shower, go to get some plants to help the front and back.

All kids in backyard and I dig for the next 2 hours. Fight pool some more.

YEAH!! Ashlee comes for Savannah so I get an excuse to come inside. She leaves and we go to the backyard again. Wow! The pool is unlevel but stretched out nicely!

We find worms, throw sticks and dig some more. They get a bath and are now in bed. I don't even think I could take another shower if I could. I am so sore from working out this morning and I want to just chill.

For the first time today I really thought I may not really have it figured out when Neal leaves in May. Whew! the funny part is I plan to paint the extra bedroom Wednesday. I hope I dont burn the house down.

Kiddos

2009-04-16T20:26:00.002-05:00

I love kids. I love their honesty. I love their imigination. I love that their heart is outside and bigger than you can imagine. There is no fear in loving and they love you...not holding anything back; even when you mess up.

I see why Jesus wants us to be like our children.

I was outside this afternoon in the back yard. The boys were playing and I was reading.
Andrew said, "Mom, ya know what I wish? I wish I had super strong arms so I could throw my ball all the way to God and He could throw it back".

I love it!! My son not only know his Father but he wants to play with Him! Not only is that the relationship I want with God but I want it for my family. A real relationship.

Living These Lyrics

2009-04-11T21:09:00.003-05:00

I heard this song this morning. I am really bad about liking a song because of the beat but I have really been trying hard to listen to the words and meaning.

Chorus

It was all about a man
It was all about a cross
It was all about the blood that was shed
so I would not be lost
It was all about the love
That was bigger than a life
It was all about a freedom that was given through your sacrifice
'Cause you would rather die
than to ever live without me

Can you read those last two lines one more time?

He is Risen! He is Risen indeed!

The Ultimate Sin

2009-04-08T09:48:00.002-05:00

I was driving down I-49 and noticed a very big truck pulling a super elegant boat that was candy apple red with white interior. She was beautiful beyond imagaine. I thought about how much fun they must have on the lake with that monster.
As I got closer there was writing on the back that I eventually made out because I do drive faster than most. The Ultimate Sin
Now right away my brain starting thinking of so many things.
-Why that name?
-Do you really know what you are saying?
-Does this person know God

Among all the thoughts I had above I thought about the ultimate sin. We know the Bible tells us all sin is sin because it all seperates us from God. You can cheat on your taxes and someone away from you can lie about the affair he is having--both equally sinful.
The ultimate sin I am taught is to deny Jesus. I didn't quite understand at first but as I grow in Christ I understand it a little more.

To deny Jesus. Does that mean like Peter who denied knowing Jesus after He had been captured and others recognized Peter in the crowd? That's what used to scare me because I can't tell you how many times in my life I should have stood for Jesus and didn't because of complete selfishness.

I now know the ultimate sin is to be presented with the opportunity to have Jesus in your life and you refuse to accept that He died on the cross for your sins, died and rose again...only to come back one day.
That brings on other questions. What if I did that early in my life and changed my mind? Is it too late? I think no. God knew me before my mom did. He knew how much He would have to struggle with a knuckle head like me and He knew one day I would finally get it.
I pray now for those who have denied Jesus and that their hearts will be open to the best Father ever.

A Real Friend

2009-03-15T16:53:00.003-05:00

Definitions of friend on the Web:
a person you know well and regard with affection and trust; "he was my best friend at the university"

1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.
5. Friend A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.

1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. (initial capital letter) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.

These are just a few definitions I found of a friend.
"a person you know well and regard with affection and trust;"
"a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile"

I have been fortunate enough to have a best friend since the 5th grade who fits every definition and then some. She is an amazing Christian woman with a heart for God and her family. The past few years have kept us farther from each other and I still love her the same after all these years. I get excited sometimes when I think about getting to spend eternity with her.

Ashlee is a friend I have become close to over the past few months. We think alot alike and have many things in common. We both want to change the past and become more Christ like.

These two ladies have helped me realize that friends shouldn't be a burden. Friends know we have faults and love us anyway because they too know they have faults. I love how Mike Smith put it that "friends are God's way of apologizing for family".

Friends are not people who wear you out and drain you everytime you are around them. Friends bear each other's burden. Friends know you have their best interest at heart. Friends aren't selfish and they try to put others first. My friends are an earthly version of Jesus.

I can only pray that I can be that kind of friend. I have to learn that you don't need a bunch of friends. Just those few who really know you. That is hard for me to find and I try to hold on too long when I get it. I am not doing that anymore.

Just as Paul spoke it..."I thank my God everytime I think of you".

Don't say 'The N word' around me

2009-03-06T19:36:00.001-06:00

The N word
I can't stand if someone uses it out of anger or to friends. Not just because of its meaning but because of the history and there is no way to say it and sound educated at the same time.
I recently read on MySpace (another reason why I deleted my profile) one CHILD talking to another CHILD who had a new baby, "Congrats on the new baby...I love that N!##@.
Seriously? Why do we use words that some would argue are just words. Why can we not find other words? Last time I checked the English language is the hardest to learn because we have so many words to describe one object. Do we feel stronger, tougher or justified?
There are obviously other words that bother me but living in the South, this word is used very often. Heck, I have many family members who used it frequently.
WHat a degrading word and heads up...don't use that word around me!

My Toot is Two

2009-03-06T06:54:00.011-06:00

Two years ago today I gave birth to Scott Edward Purcell.

"What a strong name" someone said when he was a few months old. Boy were they right. He is emotional, hot-headed and tough. He is also sweet, loving, affectionate and quick to get upset when he hears a baby cry when we go anywhere.

His first name came from Scott which is from my brother, Clayton Scott. This would be the kind, affectionate and thoughtful side. His middle name is just as important. Edward came from Clay's grandfather, Edward Vowell. Ed was a strong man who was God fearing. If you ask someone over 40 who spent anytime in Sprinhill, LA, ask them if they knew Ed Vowell. Not only will they know him but they will only have good things to say about him. Hardworking and loved his family. So yes, he has a strong name.

We didn't even intend on having another child after Andrew. My pregnancy was really bad with Andrew and we were content with one; no Catholic in this blood!!!

I was in a mentoring relationship with Denise Hussein and we were reading A Wife After God's Own Heart. This was a really good study and there was a chapter about children. It in no way stated that God made us to give birth to a bunch of kids--sorry Octamom. What it did do was lay on my heart that we weren't through.

Ha! Ha! Imagine Neal's response when I shared with him we needed another child. I might as well have been Mary telling Joseph I was a virgin and pregnant. He later went along with it but I guess God takes away from moms the memory of the first six weeks of a newborn because I didn't remember the bad as much as he did.

My second pregnancy was almost worse than the first and I was in pain to tears almost everyday. My friends kept trying to help with the joke...if he is causing this much pain now, he should be perfect for you after he's born. They were right! He loves his Bubba and wants to be just like him. He plays hard and loves harder. He will start two-year-old preschool this fall and is growing everyday. I am so grateful that God put on my heart to have another. I can't imagine if I didn't listen and we wouldn't have this little monster.

Stuck in the Funk

2009-02-18T17:03:00.002-06:00

I haven't blogged in a while and I am still not sure how this one will go. There have been several times I wanted to but thankfully didn't.

I have been stuck in a funk here lately and finally got Bro Mark to help with his sermon series Consumed (www.brookwoodbaptist.com). This series he spoke about how when we as Christians decide to make a change for God things go terribly wrong. When you decide to fight drugs, alcohol, pornography or any struggle in your life Satan is going to put his claws in stronger than ever before because he knows you are doing the right thing. Our human selves begin to ask, "What the heck is going on? I am doing what you asked and now it is worse than before". This is basicallt what Moses said to God when Moses went to the Pharoah and said to let the Israelites go. Pharoah not only told him no but he made it harder on the slaves and the slaves were very mad at Moses ( Exodus 5).

You stop the drugs and your body hurts; stop the porn and your mind fights you; stop going out to clubs and your friends freak out. God never told us take up your cross daily and I will make sure it is super light and I will put body guards around you so that no one causes trouble. God just promises to be with us, blesses us by giving us a way out and make us more like Him in the end.

I have been struggling now that I am home. Officially yesterday was my "final" day. Rose--who is taking my place--seems like she will do a great job and I praise God for answering that prayer because I struggled that there would be jealously of someone taking "my" position and I never even felt that from the moment I met her; God does care about the little things.

Now that I have been home more. I have no routine, I feel lazy and not accomplishing much. This bothers me tremendously for many reasons:

1. I have worked most of my life and know no other way

2. My upbringing is different than God's expectation in that you earn love and respect. What you accomplish factors in on that

3. There aren't too many people I worry about what they think but those I do worry about...I worry big time and I want them to be proud

I have been having a lot of trouble with Andrew and just like I was talking to Bennetta yesterday. I am so grateful God has allowed me to be a big part of this roll because I have Andrew's best in mind and I can't really be sure anyone else who would be watching him would. I want God to change me so that I can better Andrew--if that makes sense.

I know God has chosen me to be home with the boys because of all the mess Satan has thrown my way since I have been at home so I am trying to remember this is a Season of my life and God may not save me from it but he will defintely be there to walk me threw it and I love Him for that

This blog is more of a release so please...no pity comments. I have just been procrastinating (funny ha ha even being lazy on blogging) on writing anything.
-C-

My Birthday!

2009-02-09T18:32:00.003-06:00

First let me start out praising God for me to be where I am at 30. I can promise you I have a long way to go but further than I dreamed.

I had a great date with my husband last night; eating loads and just visiting.

This morning I was greeted by my cellphone waking up and making all kinds of sounds as friends and family were filling my text, missed calls and Facebook with birthday wishes. A super good lunch with Ashlee followed and then off to Lifeway to find a book to help with Andrew.

**Jamie we got the 1-2-3 book you suggested and I also got "You Can't Make Me" a book on strong-willed kids**

That's when I noticed something. First let me put a disclaimer out there for anyone who may get your feelings hurt or say that I was calling you out...I'm not!! Okay, after 3/4 of the day was over I noticed that my Facebook page was super loaded with awesome friends who had such sweet things to say. I also have a MySpace page. The majority of those on MySpace are people from back in the day; school, friends, etc. Facebook is mostly Christian friends/family from my 5 years at Brookwood. That's when it dawned on me. Having someone say, "Happy Birthday", isn't that super important but I learned very quickly,today, who thinks I am important enough to wish me well. Heck, my own blood sent me text messages.

This was more affirmation of the awesome gifts God gives us that:
1. We don't deserve
2. Take for granted
3. We get for faithfulness

Am I saying those on MySpace are bad? Absolutely not. I have a life-long friend of twenty-five years there. What I am saying is that the Holy Spirit has brought to my attention how grateful I should be...and I am. I enjoy talking to friends from the past but I couldn't necessary go to them for good Christian advice. I haven't gone out anywhere with most of them in forever. That is funny in itself because Bro Mark just talked this weekend about rebellion and how when you decide to live for God your body, mind, friends and family may rebel (www.brookwoodbaptist.com). That makes it hard to keep making the wise choices but look what priceless gifts God can give you in return.

I love all of you and when I say I am blessed, it is only because I don't have words that fit what my heart fills.
-C-

My first week.

2009-02-06T10:45:00.002-06:00

My first week in my new job. Someone said, "Okay, it has been a week. How has it been"?

I was telling her, "Not even like I had planned". I visioned a spotless house and time to watch TV or sew, scrap or knit ( which by the way I am having DTs with because I loaned ALL my needles out).

After I got off the phone I was thinking about how I was just 5-6 years ago. If I can learn anything about patience it would be how God has been so super patient with me. There is no way He would have put me where I am today straight from where I was 5-6 years ago. It would never work.

I used to have panick attacks in the middle of a drill weekend. I went to a doctor who talked to me about being obsessive compulsive with anger issues...not a good mix. I seriously did not know I was OCD. When I talked to some of my soldiers after my meeting with the crazy doctor, they laughed because they were shocked that I didn't know. They told me stories about how I organized everything on my desk 10 times just in the morning and how nervous I was when someone walked by and just set something on my desk. I laughed because I realized they were right.

I am much better now than I was and I can now see how God patiently and lovingly brought me along with such baby steps. Many of those years He walked me through and I didn't even acknowledge He existed. God was definitely not a part of my life. If you get the opportunity to see Fireproof, there is a scene where the character also realizes what awful things he had done to God. Which is worse? The men who flogged Jesus with the metal hooks or me when God was there for me over and over and I never cared.

No one will ever be able to convince me of what a great Father I serve. Five or six years ago I would have freaked at my house, quitting my job and having no "idenity".

God has fought with this stubborn heart and I am so grateful that He won. I was reminded this morning that there are battles in our life that are impossible to win. Things we fight over and over and we will always lose. God is the ONLY one who can win.

I don't have the control that I want and man is that a relief. The One who has all control (if we will let Him) knows all, sees all and loves me. Can it be anymore perfect?
-C-

Boys are hard

2009-02-05T09:47:00.005-06:00

Okay, I couldn't blog this until today because I was so frustrated and couldn't see the keys anyway from crying.

For almost 1 1/2 hours last night Andrew and I went round and round with him doing one wrong thing after another. We went from nose in the corner, timeout in the room (which we wouldn't stay), spanking with clothes on the wooden spoon with nothing on after pucnhing our brother in the back because he got mad at me.

OMG!!!

I know many have said being strong-willed is a good thing because when he is older he won't be a follower and he won't let other push him around. That sounds great but what about now?

I am very thankful that God has allowed me to be home with him because I wouldn't want anyone else trying to take are of this time in his life. It is a constant struggle to figure out what punishment will work for him.

"I am throwing this away!" Andrew says, "Let me...I don't need that anyway"

"No more TV this week." Andrew says, "Yeah, TV is bad for me."

"If I catch you throwing that at your brother again I am going to get the wooden spoon." Andrew says, "This one right here? How many licks will I get?" As he shows no concern about it at all.

If you have spent time with him you would know his heart is so big. He is SUPER smart and understand a lot of things. Neal tries to have alone time with him by taking just him to go see movies. Before he gets in trouble he will say "I am just a bad boy. I just can't make good choices." That breaks my heart because I vowed with my boys I would never talk to them like my dad did me so Neal and I both NEVER tell them they are bad or anything degrading to their character. So where does he get that from and why can he understand all except STAY IN YOUR ROOM?

I am a firm believer to stand firm and consistent but consistent with what? What works over time? What is the wrong thing to do? I don't have the answer because I don't find a response.

Do I just accept that I am going to have to punish him over and over for the same things and pray one day it might stick? All I can say at this point is he better become a doctor, lawyer or something that he can be proud of. That way I can say there was a reason for not killing him at such a young age.

The funny part of it all was that Neal and I were on day 1 of the Love Dare and what did it say for the day? P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E. Yeah, that was also meant for my marriage but I can't help but think God was preparing me for the night to come because I definitely would have gotten way more upset than I did. Andrew and I were even able to have some good discussion before the finally.

-C-

First day at home

2009-02-02T20:07:00.002-06:00

I have been looking forward to this day for about a month or so. I had plans and knew what my first day would look like. Not even close. The kids woke up even earlier than they usually do. That meant no shower and no quiet time. My awesome husband took Andrew to school for me because I hadn't even ate breakfast or bushed my teeth.

I knew I wanted to start exercising and get my Flylady on track. If you haven't heard of her...check her out today. (FLylady.com) Anyway, I think it was after 9 before I ate and spend a few hours with my husband doing the awesome budget. Awesome because we took out the money I used to get paid!!!! Did I mention I forgot to take my anxiety meds this weekend while at the Gordon's? No? Well, I forgot. :-)

I finally was able to log in to do some work that I can't leave behind and realized it was time to get Andrew. Thankfully--once again--my husband offered to go get him from school. Yeah! Then it hit me...crap, I have to feed him and the other one. So, I made a mean dish of spaghetti-o's (again I had decided I would eat better than before). The boys slept and I began my cleaning.

The boys woke up and played outside with dad while I jammed to music and kept cleaning. I loved looking through my window as my boys followed their daddy around and pretended to help load firewood up by the house. They jumped on the trampoline and ran him ragged.

It didn't matter my plans were messed up or that all I had on my agenda didn't work out. God gave me a gift and I almost missed today's...my family.

We ALL ate dinner at the same time; no TV. We sat down and did homework (something we usually do in the breakroom before school). We read our new Highlights magazine that came in and a great story about Gideon and how he defeated the bad guys. I will thank God in my prayers tonight. Not for my house, the boys or health but thank you for the little things you gave us that are so great. The things he doesn't even have to give us. Today would have still been okay without it but God cares enough to give me a moment with my family that will never be taken away.
-C-

Even in the small things

2009-02-01T19:59:00.003-06:00

So I am back on here because a friend of mine said I was a loser without it and if I wanted to be in the "in crowd" I would have to do this more frequently. I thought about it and decided I guess I will have to be a follower.
Friday my husband and I went to Murfreesboro, Arkansas for a marriage retreat. Friday was pretty cool. We left before noon and actually took our time driving. There was no screaming at diesels to MOVE! or constantly passing old people or my favorite...those texting or talking on the cell phone.
We arrived at Mount Moriah and were greeted by 10-15 wild turkeys. I had my camera right next to me to catch a moment. Of course, that didnt matter because as soon as I turned in the camera it fussed that the internal memory was FULL!!!! Seriously??? I just got here.
The Milazzos arrived about an hour after us...then the Lewings. It was so good to take a minute and catch up.
The weather was great. the river was up and we were ready for some mafia. If you haven't played, it is a great Christian game or lies, deception and murder!!! I LOVE it. Most stress about being the mafia...I stress about being a towns person. I know that no one trusts anyone and no matter what I say they still think I am the bad guy. I feel better if I really AM the bad guy.

Before the games began we had to get something to eat. Neal, Dennis, Shelly and I were going to Subway ( super cool for a town of 12); Lewing were going to eat nasty frog legs. Once we reached the hot spot we were told they were "out of bread." Ha ha! Out of bread. How does Subway run out of bread??? That's okay. We went to Buddy's and met up with the Lewings were we had some great food. Make sure to ask for the seasoned fries. If you are lucky like Dennis they will cover every ince of your fries with cheyenne pepper--great for any sinus infection. The restaurant was covered with Arkansas Razorback decor and you could write on their walls so even though I don't watch college ball I had to give tribute to LSU...because that is how I roll.

The rest of the couples arrived after some getting a little lot along the way. They had last choice of the prime bedding that us early birds got. I rushed everyone to get settled because I wanted to play mafia ASAP. Nikki and Celena didn't want to play but I knew deep down they did. Susan and Ryan had never played before so I knew it was going to be a good time. If you haven't played I can't make you understand how fun it is to play. Seeing everyone's characters come out and just having a super good time. I was so glad I went to the restroom a few times because at some points I could have had an accident on myself. Ew!!! Next time we should just offer diapers so there is no worry.

We all crashed early in the morning hours and woke up to our husbands making breakfast for us. It was so funny to see these men working so hard on scrambled eggs and sausage. That was it...eggs and sausage. It was so sweet!!

Dennis and Shelly brought Fireproof the movie. the acting was horrible but the story and the message was amazing. Marriage is hard and 100% commitment. It taught me that love was not something you give because you get something back. Love is a commandment from God because Jesus loved us unconditionally. I loved that the father shared with the son that you cannot show what you don't have...love. I won't tell you much more incase you haven't watche dit but you must watch it if you are married or plan to be married.

We had some scroll time which is a time where you go off as a couple and discuss hard topics. Neal and I went on the very, very tall hill...mountain. I am not exactly sure WHY I asked him to go that way. There were no pit stops or cheering section to encourage me to keep going. I am so out of shape and it was beyond aparent when I was taking most of my breaths through my mouth and I stopped talking to Neal so that I could concentrate. Anyway, scroll time is stressful because you go in it knowing you are going to fight about something. This was the best scroll time ever for us. We were honest, forward and okay with it. I was SO excited that I forgot I then had to get down the hill. Suddenly, falling down and rolling the rest of the way didn't seem to bad. My calves felt like a softball was stuck in each leg.
Bible Study was great with some really good discussion. We enjoyed some more time outside and taking some goofy pictures.
Poor old Chrissie was in bed just after 8pm and really needed it.
I am home now and ready to start my first day not working. I am sure life will allow me opportunities to blog about all Purcell misadventures.
PO

Daniel and how he relates today

2008-11-03T09:44:00.005-06:00

Okay, so I am reading this Bible study "Mom After God's Own Heart" and I cam e to a place where we were to read pieces of Daniel. Now we all know Daniel and the lion's den or the fiery furnace. I have even gone through the Beth Moore study of Daniel but I was reading soemthing this morning that was a WOW moment.

I knew Daniel and his friends (I can say it but not spell them) were taken and chosen to be part of the King's service. I knew they were "perfect" for the king but what I didn't realize was how young these boys were; 16-17.

Yes, that is close to being a man but when I think about someone close to that age (my brother) I think that is still super young. My mind begin to wonder about all that Daniel went through and how firm his stood in his beliefs and loyalty to God.
The king ordered certain food for the boys and Daniel decided it was defiled and that he should not eat it. Daniel was strong enough to speak up
The dreams he interpreted that could have cost him his life
Keeping God's commandements to only worship God
Not only that but knowing by not doing that he could suffer a horrible death by being eaten alive.

Now I think about my boys. During such times that it would be SO easy to just go with the flow or agree just to keep peace, what would my boys do? How do I prepare them for such hard times because they WILL come.

Will Andrew have to worry about being thrown in lion's den? No. But he will have people speak worngly of him and Scott. He will have people offer him drugs and alocohol. He will have guys tell him a party would be more fun than staying at home with the family. Some girl will want to have sex with him just once. How will my boys respond?

I never thought about that until this morning. Not only is it my job to teach him the Word, God's love for them but to act it out. I can't shelter him from everything and I don't want to. I want them to know this stuff exists and how Satan takes these small things and twists it around to where it isn't so bad. When you read Matthew 4:1-11, you see Satan doesn't say how the decision is bad or that he wants you to choose the sinful thing to do. Satan adds a clause by knowing God's word just as well as you and I.

Friends can be a powerful tool for Satan and I have got to make sure that I devote myself to quiet time so that God can give me that wisdom to pass it on to my boys. "Away from ME, Satan! For it is wrotten"'Worship the Lord your God, and serve HIm only.'

Starting a new Bible study

2008-10-29T19:07:00.000-05:00

"A Mom After God's Own Heart"

I was super excited when Ashlee and I finally decided on a book to do. I picked them up today and started glancing over it to see if it would be Beth Moore long or short. Needless to say it is closer to Beth Moore.

I did a different version while having Denise Hussein mentor me (A Wife After God's Own Heart) and I really liked it. I was ready to tackle many needed changes in my life and that book spoke to me that we needed Scott (Thank you God). I can't imagine never having him.

Anyway, for what ever reason I am nervous about this Bible study. I mean we all know every mom can always use some help being a good mom and what better way that to hear it from God. THAT'S what scares me. I am not only gonna hear what I need to do but things I am sure I shouldn't be doing. I need those books that throw it in your face but they scare me at first because I tend to be a perfectionist. I don't need to be reminded; I do that myself. I knew 100% when I was younger that I WOULD not have kids and definitely not get married. Well...

What is a mom after God's own heart? A mom that has a heart like God or for God? I know I will never be perfect but I want to be able to say that I tried to do all I could to be more like God intended. It did take a long time to realize. God doesn't need a bunch or Carrie Germans, or Angela Swanns. He needs knuckle heads who are stubborn, loud and full of mistakes too. I could never be them because God doesn't want me to be. He died for me just as I am and allows me to grow as I am and be me and more like Him.

Can you not say "God is good. All the time"!!!!!!

As I read the study I will try to put into words what God lays on my heart and teaches me. I want me boys to find a wife who loves God more than them, loves freely, and wants nothing but the best for them--and nothing less.

-C-